When’s the last time
you moaned, “Oh yeah, that’s it, right
there, keep going!” and weren’t talking
to your massage therapist? If you can’t
remember, then it’s been too long.
Unfortunately, bad s*x can sometimes
happen to good people. Fortunately,
anyone can learn how to make bad s*x
better!
Here are five simple steps to help you
find your way back to, “Oh yeah, that’s
it, right there, keep going!”
1. Believe in Yourself
Even the most confident women can
sometimes forget just how amazing they
are. Jodi Lipper, co-author of How to
Love Like a Hot Chick, says many
women tend to get all LSE (low self-
esteem) about their body, and that can
hinder their s*x life. “You are hot and
you have nothing to apologize for!” she
says. “He wants to have s*x with you,
which means he is attracted to you, so
let it all go and let yourself enjoy the
moment.”
2. Express Yourself
Your mouth is made for communication,
among many other things, so use it! If
there’s something off when you’re
getting it on, speak up.
Tina B. Tessina, PhD, is a
psychotherapist in California who says
the best s*x is a result of open and
honest communication. “Often, the best
beginner for a lovely s*xual encounter
is a good conversation. When you
express both your fears and
expectations, and the air is cleared, you
and your partner can both relax. Once
you are relaxed… it’s not such a long
distance into the bedroom.”
Tessina suggests setting a regular date to
“catch up” on all the little things you
may not have had time to discuss during
your busy week. She says a pleasant,
unhurried dinner or breakfast date is
the perfect time to share your feelings
about each other, your relationship, or
any s*xual snafus.
3. Laugh at Yourself
You both know when the s*x is bad (I
hope!), so let go and keep a sense of
humor about it. Lisa Bahar, a licensed
marriage and family therapist in
Southern California, suggests figuring
out a way to make each other laugh
before getting in the sack again.
“Therefore the positive feelings are in
flow and the body is in a more open
and embracing mood,” explains Bahar.
“Then do something very unpredictable
that you are comfortable with. If you
blow it (no pun intended), laugh!”
4. Pace Yourself
While a hot quickie is definitely a
sprint, great s*x is a marathon. You
want better s*x? Take. It. Slow.
“In order to steam up your bedroom,
you need to put it on a slow-boil earlier
in the day,” explains David Klow, a
marriage and family therapist in the
Chicago area. “Consider it a slow-cooker
in which you are building connection
before the physical encounter. If we are
focusing on work and taking care of
children all day, then it can be difficult
to simply switch gears towards s*x.”
Klow suggests practicing the art of
seduction (even if you’ve been married
for years) by taking time throughout the
week to build towards your next s*xual
encounter. Flirting, engaging in a deep
conversation, or enjoying a romantic
meal can all be part of getting ready for
s*x. The key is to make your
relationship a priority by taking your
mind off work, chores, and to-do lists
and instead putting it on kissing,
caressing, and more!
5. Enjoy Yourself
This step may sound obvious, but it’s one
many ladies forget to take. As women,
we often wind up trying to please
everyone around us without even
realizing it, which means everyone
else’s needs are met… except yours! If
you’re a people-pleaser, then it’s time to
switch gears and please yourself (in
more ways than one)!
“You have the power to make this
experience memorable and delightful
for both of you,” says Lipper. “Take a
little bit of control and help guide things
in the right direction.”
Think about what it is you like,
communicate that to your partner, and
then let go and enjoy the ride!
The concept of “bad s*x” is a
complicated one. The bad news is that it
takes work to improve a less-than
satisfying s*x life. The good news is the
work will be fun! Simply follow steps
one through five – and then repeat as
often as you like because practice makes
perfect.
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