You’ve been there: the girl you’re out with is fine, but you’re not really that interested. You’re not sure what it is about her — maybe you’re not attracted to her, maybe the conversation is dry, maybe you’re not over your ex-girlfriend — whatever it is, you want to get out of the date… now. But since going to the bathroom and sneaking away is a total jerk move, how do you exit a date-gone-bad without hurting her feelings?
Be Honest With Yourself
“Typically, you know as soon as you see her if you’re interested or not,” Edwards says. “And sometimes it might be once the conversation starts.” Whenever you realize you’re not that into her, be honest with yourself instead of sitting through a few more drinks. Not only will it save you money, but it’ll save both of you heart.
Little White Lies Are Okay...
Though when it comes to dating and finding love, lying is usually a no-go, if you want to save her feelings and make it easier on yourself to leave the date without causing a scene, a little white lie might be just what you need. “Respectfully cut the date shorter than you normally would by telling her you have plans to meet up with your friends to watch the game,” Edwards advises.
...And So Is Being Honest
Depending on your impression of the girl — does she seem confident? Outgoing? Relatively normal? — an honest approach might be easier because she’ll likely see through your white lie anyway. “You can be straight up and honest and say that you’re not feeling it,” Edwards says. “It might seem ridiculous to even think that’s possible, but women do it all the time. There’s nothing wrong with expressing your disinterest as long as you’re respectful about it.” Consider saying this: “I’ve really enjoyed grabbing this drink with you, but I’m not sure if I see a connection here.” If you happen to have a buddy that you think might be interested in her, don’t be afraid to tell her that, either. Ya never know, you could just be on a date with someone else’s perfect lady.
She’s Not Going To Cry If You Leave
But seriously: If you’re staying because you’re afraid she’ll completely freak out on you if you don’t have a second round, step off your high horse. No matter how into you she might seem or how fragile, more times than not, a woman will not make a public scene because you only stayed for one gin and tonic. In fact, Edwards says that often men make dating way more complicated than it needs to be. “It’s a date and sometimes it just doesn’t work out. It happens,” he says. “There’s no need to struggle through the date and waste another hour of your time because you’re ‘being nice.’”
Keep Your Exit Short
“Guys will make up elaborate stories as to why they need to bail early, but that’s dangerous,” Edwards says. “The more specific the story is, the more skeptical she’ll be, which can lead to resentment toward you.” So no, you don’t have to get up early to go to breakfast with your grandma who lives in Germany and only comes into town once a year and you’re really excited to see her…. you just need to go. End of story.
What If She Texts You The Next Day?
Yikes — you see it while you’re commuting to work and you have no idea what to say. Maybe she didn’t get the signal or perhaps she thinks a second date will do the trick. If you’re not up for it, be blunt and kind. “You might be tempted to ignore her completely, but first, you have to be upfront. “Politely express you’re not interested in anything romantic,” Edwards says. “If she presses you, then you do have grounds to ignore her messages but once you openly and clearly say you’re not into her, she should get the point immediately and appreciate that you’re not leading her on.”
Try Not To Worry
Rejection is rejection, and if she did think the feelings were mutual, she’s going to be let down either way. And though she might be a great girl, she just wasn’t the one for you — so wish her well and let it go. You both have many (many!) more dates in your futures.